WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

I Didn’t Mean to Disappear And This Isn’t the Update I Wanted to Write🥹

Hi, Substack fam. 🥹

Where do I even start from?

It’s been a really rough past few weeks for me. Hmmm… I honestly don’t even know where to begin, but I guess I’ll start with an apology.

I haven’t updated any episode of our story, and I disappeared without a word for weeks. I feel so bad about it. I’m so sorry, babiesss. 💙

I felt like I owe you guys an explanation because you’re not just readers to me anymore. You’re my little community, and you’ve supported me so much.

So, here’s a little breakdown of everything that has been happening.

For a little backstory, I work multiple jobs while also running two businesses, and by God’s grace, I am the Visioneer of a Foundation. So life has been… a lot.

A few weeks ago, one of my jobs had me in an absolute chokehold. I was handling a lot of intensive data work, and by the end of each day, I was completely drained mentally.

Every day, I’d tell myself, “I’ll update Substack tomorrow,” but tomorrow kept moving further away.

Then, just when I thought I’d finally have the chance to come back here…

I lost my other job.

Hmmm.

I can’t even begin to explain how much I have cried. (I still cried this morning. Ugly and snotty tears. 😂😂)

What’s funny is that, I think the Holy Spirit had been preparing me for it. He kept giving me little nudges that I was going to lose that job, but I didn’t really take them seriously until it actually happened.

I’m still a little shocked, if I’m being honest. Part of me is still in denial because I genuinely never saw it coming.

That job was my major source of income, so losing it really shook me.

For a while, I have been asking God, “What now?”

But in the middle of all that crying and confusion, I started realizing something.

God has been telling me for a while now to build my career and invest in my personal brand. I kept putting it off because I was comfortable. I depended so much on that job that I never really saw the urgency to build something that was mine.

Sometimes God allows the things we’re leaning on to be shaken so we’ll finally lean on Him.

I’m grateful that I have some money to hold body while I figure out my next steps.

To make everything even heavier, business has been slow too.

If you’re an entrepreneur, you probably know how emotionally exhausting that can be. You start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re doing enough, wondering if people still believe in what you’re building.

Then there’s the foundation.

For those who don’t know, I am the Visioneer of KBS Care Foundation, and next month we’re planning an outreach in a rural community. Our goal is to provide sanitary pads for young girls, educate them on menstrual health and sexual abuse awareness, and most importantly, share the love of God with them.

I had honestly planned to use part of my pay from that job to cover some of the outreach expenses while we continued applying for sponsorships.

Now that the job is gone, I’ve found myself wondering where the support will come from.

Some days, I don’t know where to find sponsors. Other days, I don’t even have the emotional strength to sit down and write proposal emails.

But one thing I do know is this: if God gave us the vision, He already has a provision.

I’m also incredibly grateful for my teammates. They’ve reminded me that I don’t have to carry this burden alone, and I’m thankful to God for every one of them.

This whole season has forced me to slow down and really think about my life.

I don’t have everything figured out yet. In fact, I have more questions than answers right now. But one thing I know for sure is that it’s time to stop playing safe.

It’s time to take a step of faith.

Maybe even a leap of faith.

My mum always says that when one door closes, it’s usually because God is preparing to open bigger ones.

I’m choosing to believe that.

I don’t know exactly what the next few months will look like, but I know who holds them.

So if I’m a little quiet for a while longer, please bear with me. I’m rebuilding. I’m praying. I’m learning. I’m trusting God to lead me into whatever this next chapter is supposed to be.

And no, I’m not giving up on us or on this space.

The story will continue.

I just need a little grace while I find my footing again.

Please keep me in your prayers, babiesss. 🥹

I refuse to let this season make me bitter. I refuse to let it steal my joy. I refuse to become depressed.

Instead, I’m choosing gratitude.

Because even here… even now… God is still good.

And in everything, I will give thanks.

I love you all so much.

Thank you for waiting for me. 🙏🙏

With all my love,

ABBA’s Mouthpiece💙💙